


Adventures in Spelunking

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-23
Updated: 2004-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 17:26:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: My take on the Clark’s alien sex organs don’t work quite right clichÏ©.Note:  I love the show, but in my fic, I ignore most of season 3, and play footloose and fancy free with season 2.  And Helen who?  Who is this Helen of whom you speak?





	Adventures in Spelunking

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Clark popped the disk in his computer and waited expectantly. He’d decided this was it – his last chance. If the XXX porn tape he’d borrowed from Pete didn’t work, he was going to give up, or go on a rampage, or something. God knows everything else he’d tried – magazines, daydreams, even a few attempts at jerking off, hadn’t worked. 

 

The cheesy opening titles flickered by without notice. Clark waited nervously for naked bodies. Naked male bodies, to be exact. Despite his mooning over Lana for years, and the fun he had strutting around Smallville with Jessie and Kyla and later Metropolis with a bevy of babes on his arm, they were just window dressing. It was the sight of naked boys on the porn he’d seen before that got him excited, and it was the thought of naked boys, and one special naked man in particular, that fueled his most pleasant dreams. 

 

Finally, the bodies came onscreen and the clothes came off. Clark stared intently, as if willing his own body to respond. Then he tried touching himself and … Flop. Oh, it felt good, but there was no movement, no whatever it was, hardening, just a generally nice sensation. There definitely had to be something wrong with him, but what could he do about it? If he asked his parents, they’d just worry. They couldn’t exactly take him to a doctor and say “Our Kryptonian son’s cock doesn’t work right.”

 

This was just ridiculous. Clark needed answers and he needed them now! Huffing the most dejected sigh he could muster, Clark zipped his jeans and removed the disk from his computer. There was one place he could still go for answers, though now that the octagon was completely missing, and the ship blown to smithereens, he wasn’t sure if any more answers would be forthcoming. He pushed the additional concern that this particular problem might not be one addressed in whatever reference materials had been left for him to the back of his mind. Hope sprang eternal, after all, even if other things didn’t spring at all.

 

The caves were cool and comforting as he slowly entered. Clark began to relax the moment he set foot in them and felt the tension increasingly easing off the closer he got to the portal. As much as he loved his adoptive parents and resented whatever was left of his biological father for the whole chest-burning and demands for planet ruling thing, Clark still instinctively felt a tie to both of his parents here in the caves. 

 

Once he stood directly in front of the portal, though, the relaxed feeling swiftly abandoned him. He hunched his shoulders and hesitated, then finally forced himself to reach out and touch the drawing on the cave wall. Nothing happened. Feeling a little silly, but also worried, Clark finally yelled into the empty space around him, “Hey!” No response. He tried touching the figure on the wall again, exploring with his fingers in an attempt to find the magic spot that would bring whatever was in there to life. Still nothing. Finally, seething with frustration, Clark shouted, “It’s me, Kal! I really need to ask you something.” Completely caught up in his need, he didn’t realize he’d shouted it in Kryptonian. The drawing suddenly glowed and Clark heard the sound of Jor-El’s voice. “Ask,” he demanded. No greeting, but Clark supposed that Jor-El was more than a little miffed after the ending of this summer’s adventures.

 

“I, um. I’m having some, uh … p-problems with,” Clark started, then baffled as to how to explain his circumstances, stared hard at the spot on the wall.

 

“Continue Kal-El! I cannot answer questions you do not ask.”

 

“Uh. Okay. Um, I’m having some problems with, with this body.”

 

“Problems? You look strong and healthy, just as you should under this yellow sun.”

 

“Um, yeah. M-most of me is fine. It’s just … um. I don’t know how Kryptonians um, reproduce, but, uh … I know I won’t be doing anything that could, um, cause it.”

 

His hesitant statement was met by long moments of silence.

 

“Uh. Do you, um, is there s-something …” Clark absently paced around the small area in front of the still-glowing drawing, eyes firmly fixed on his feet, his hands tensely gripping each other in front of, but pointedly not touching the offending body part. 

 

“Be still, Kal-El. And move your hands. I am evaluating your situation.”

 

“Oh.” Clark stopped as close to the wall as he could get, and waited.

 

When he next heard the voice, it sounded more disappointed than anything, or maybe even exasperated. “No wonder you have no desire to rule this planet. Kal-El, you have not developed your penis.”

 

Clark stepped back, puzzled. “What?” 

 

“Human penises develop naturally. Kryptonian penises are like any other muscle. They must be exercised or they do not develop at all, even under a yellow sun.” 

 

“Uh. How do I, um. Do you mean I need to, um. I mean, I can’t lift weights with it!”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kal-El! You would exercise your arms by picking things up, and your legs by walking. Of course you exercise your penis by having sex.”

 

“But how can I do that? It won’t get hard enough for me to have sex,” Clark said, increasingly frustrated by the conversation.

 

As if sensing Clark’s desperation, another voice chimed in, one he’d never heard before, but that reminded him of his mom – his adoptive mom, only with Jor-El’s accent. “It will in time, son.” She said, soothingly. “You must stimulate it, regularly, until it develops enough to be used in other ways. It is best if you work that out for yourself. But you must take care of your body, Kal-El!” 

 

“Who are you?” Clark asked.

 

“I’m your mother. I wish we could have told you these things in person. I know it’s hard to hear from a stored memory. Just trust us on this, Kal. Everything will be fine.”

 

“And you will finally find the strength and desire to rule these inferior beings!” shouted Jor-El.

 

“Oh, stop it. You’re just scaring the boy,” the feminine voice returned. Then the voice abruptly cut off, and the figure faded from the wall.

 

If he had to take matters into his own hands, so to speak, Clark could certainly deal with that. He’d tried that before a few times, and enjoyed it, but given up when there was no resolution. At least it felt nice. It was just so weird, especially now that he felt obligated to do it.. The first night he waited until bedtime, then tried to jerk off, but ended up drifting off to sleep. His dreams that night were quite pleasant, with his sexy, bald best friend showing up, as he usually did when Clark had indulged in fantasies before sleeping. 

 

On the fifth night, he actually felt a slight stirring in his usually flaccid cock. Excited, Clark decided Jor-El wasn’t just giving him a bunch of bullshit, and that maybe if he exercised the muscle even more frequently, he’d eventually get hard just like a normal, human male. It helped considerably that the dreams had become increasingly pleasant on each successive night, as well. Lex was still showing up in them, but now, rather than appearing as a vague image, he was more solid and considerably more active. It was almost as if his “workouts” not only increased his physical strength, but also added substance to his fantasies. 

 

On the seventh day, he surreptitiously downloaded some gay porn off the Internet. It was a very, very short mpg, as he didn’t have any way to purchase a longer version without his parents, make that his Kent parents, finding out what he was doing. Coupled with memories of a visit to Lex’s mansion the day before, the images in the little clip were just enough to give him some very realistic ideas. That night in his dreams, Fantasy Lex gave him a blow job. He didn’t come, as he’d never experienced an orgasm and couldn’t imagine one without really knowing what they felt like, but it was enough to wake him up toward the end, and by this time, his dick was actually about halfway erect. He also noted with relief that no desire to dominate earth accompanied his fledgling sexual ability.

 

On the eighth day, Clark decided to pay another visit to the caves, just to briefly thank his biological parents’ memories for the advice. Shoulders back and a smile on his face, he marched up to the portal and announced, “It’s working!” There was no response, and Clark, disappointed, considered giving a demonstration. Then he realized that would mean jerking off in front of his biological parents and hastily reconsidered. Still, he wanted someone to share his happiness. 

 

On his way to Lex’s, he cautioned himself not to do anything silly and whip out his dick or something to show off. He hoped that his feeling of self confidence alone would be an indication that he’d matured and was ready for more than what he’d interpreted as flirting. He figured that he’d be like that old dude in the Viagra commercials that made his mom blush and his dad try to send him from the room, and Lex would just know he was ready for action now. Of course, the fact that he was only partly ready for action was a bit troubling. But no matter. Clark didn’t really expect to get lucky this afternoon, anyway. He’d be happy just to get an offer to spend more time with Lex.

 

Upon entering Lex’s office, he could tell he was having some affect on his friend, but not if it was the intended one. Lex fixed a penetrating glare on him. Clark wished Lex was otherwise penetrating him. They small-talked about school, the farm, the plant, and Clark moved around the room as much as he could, without looking like he was nervously pacing. He knew he was showing off, but he really didn’t care. In fact, he rather wanted to strut in front of Lex, to get him excited, or at least more interested.

 

“Did you get your hair cut?”

 

“Um, no. Same old Supercut.”

 

Lex chuckled and racked up the balls for a game of pool. “That is the stupidest name for a hair salon.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that. At least it’s not the Bangs! U Dye.”

 

Lex spit Tynant water all over the pool table’s felt. “God, Clark! Warn me before you say something like that!” Fortunately, he was also laughing. “What’s gotten into you? You seem so much more …”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well, it’s like those times last year that you were so sure of yourself, but not yourself. It’s not nearly as extreme, though. More of a refinement of you than a different you.”

 

“You like?” Clark asked, with what he hoped was a seductive voice. 

 

“Oh yes, I like,” Lex replied, eyes smoldering and with that sultry tone of voice that Clark so loved.

 

**

 

It was almost another week before Clark was able to maintain a full erection, and a month before he had his first orgasm. He’d stepped up the flirting as well as his daily workouts, and finally finagled an invitation to sleep over at the mansion, with a Warrior Angel animated film marathon as the excuse. Clark really didn’t think they’d make it beyond two episodes, and, as much as he’d come to enjoy watching Lex watch Warrior Angel videos, Clark would really rather watch Lex do other things. 

 

And he was right. By the end of the first video, they had both managed to scoot together on the couch so that they were touching. By the end of the second, Lex was completely distracted, as Clark had thrown his arm across the couch and was all but holding him. When Lex turned to query with one raised eyebrow, Clark moved in for the kill, bending his head and pressing his lips to Lex’s own. Halfway through the third episode on the disk, the remote clattered to the floor, ruthlessly smacked off the couch by one of Lex’s legs as he tried to crawl on top of Clark. 

 

Creature of comfort that he was, Lex refused to allow Clark’s first time to take place on a couch. Clark endured the interruption, but only because he was mentally singing to himself, “I’m gonna get laid!” as they stumbled down the hall to Lex’s bed. He half tore off Lex’s shirt and pants, while Lex, underneath him, expertly unfastened the buttons on Clark’s shirt and unzipped his jeans, then pulled both jeans and boxers off with a couple of neat tugs. 

 

“Holy shit!” 

 

Startled, Clark stopped ripping Lex’s silk boxers into shreds and, horribly worried, stared up at Lex. He knew his cock didn’t look any different from that of an uncircumcised human male, or at least, he didn’t think so according to the pictures and videos he’d seen. He couldn’t imagine what had so distressed Lex.

 

“Clark, you’re huge! Gorgeous, but dear God, you’re huge!”

 

“Uh … Is that, I mean, I’m sorry!” Clark stuttered, his cock suddenly wilting from fear and humiliation.

 

“No! No, it’s nothing to be sorry for! It’s wonderful and I should have expected it, considering the size of the rest of you. I just haven’t seen anyone that big, outside of the occasional magazine. And I always thought those were artificially enhanced or airbrushed.”

 

“Oh. So, um, it’s okay?”

 

“It’s not okay. It’s fantastic. Or at least, it was,” Lex replied, looking at Clark’s limp but still huge cock with dismay. “Let me see what I can do to make it better,” Lex continued, with a gleam in his eye. 

 

Clark’s cock thought the first lick made things very much better indeed, and that all the subsequent licks and sucking made things damn near perfect. Near perfect, Clark thought, because he really wanted to try something that involved him touching Lex, as well. Instinct took over, and Clark deftly flipped Lex over and, before the other man could react, began rubbing their cocks together. 

 

“Oh, God, yes, Clark! Just like that!” Lex moaned.

 

“I wanna …” Clark responded, not sure exactly how to word what he wanted.

 

“Yeah, I want you to fuck me, to.” Thank God for Lex’s experience and worldliness. “You have to get me ready, first, though. It’s been a while, and I’ve never been with anyone quite this big.”

 

“How do I do that?”

 

“There’s lube in the nightstand drawer. And some condoms that we’ll need later. Put some lube on your finger and use it, first. Then add another.”

 

“How will I know when you’re ready?”

 

“Oh, you’ll know.”

 

Clark nodded, and followed Lex’s instructions. He tensed with Lex as his slick index finger entered Lex’s hole, but Lex demanded another and Clark complied.

 

“Move them, just like you were fucking me with your fingers.”

 

“That looks so hot!” Clark replied as he watched his fingers slipping in and out of Lex.

 

“It feels so hot, Clark. Now. I want you now!”

 

Clark removed his fingers and quickly rolled on the condom and slicked it. He hesitated before pushing his cock into Lex, but Lex glared at him, insistently, and again insisted, “Now, Cark. Please! Fuck me!”

 

The words were almost too much, shuddering, and hoping he didn’t come immediately, Clark thrust his cock into Lex’s tight hole. They rocked together, groaning wordlessly, each feeling the intensity of their coupling. It was quick and hard and Clark’s thrusts were accelerating and then abruptly he was all tingly and tight and then racked with what felt like convulsions as he came inside his lover. 

 

Near collapse, Clark held Lex tightly, then realized the other man was still thrusting against him. Embarrassed for a moment, he paused. The look on Lex’s face was anything but dismayed. Clark put every bit of practice from the last month to good use and stroked Lex firmly until he heard Lex call out his name and felt warm wetness cover his hand.

 

**

 

 

The caves held up well, over the years, Clark thought, as he led Lex in by one hand. Finally in front of the drawings he’d asked for help so many years ago, he stopped and let go of Lex’s hand, then removed the blindfold he’d placed over Lex’s eyes.

 

“This is the surprise?” Lex asked, very puzzled. “I’ve been in these caves before, though it’s been quite a while.”

 

“The cave’s not the surprise.” Clark said, turning to face the wall. “I would like to introduce you to my biological parents.”

 

“So that’s what the pictures are! Did they come here before they sent you in the ship?”

 

“No, they’re not exactly pictures of them. But someone from Krypton did come here before me, and this is where they spoke to me. Don’t ask Lex, just trust me.”

 

“I always do, fortunately. What did they tell you?”

 

“How to make you happy,” Clark said, with a bright grin.

 

Lex looked a bit askance, but said, “Then I thank them, profusely. Is that all they told you?”

 

“Not exactly. My dad wanted me to take over the planet. I don’t want him to be disappointed in me, so I’ve brought you here to meet them.”

 

“I’m pleased that you think being my lover is an equivalent accomplishment to world domination, Clark, but I’m not sure your parents would agree.”

 

“Lex! I meant that I want them to meet the person I’ll take Earth over with.”

 

“Co-Rulers of the planet?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

“You know, that didn’t work out very well for Warrior Angel and Devillicus.”

 

“We’re not Warrior Angel and Devillicus, Lex. Besides, we don’t have to rule, exactly. We can just sort of let the whole Earth be overtaken by our own happiness. Besides, you have political aspirations, right?”

 

“I don’t know, Clark. I’m not sure I want to share that much with the public, even if I do run for office. But if you’ll get me out of this cave and someplace private, I’ll be glad to give due consideration to your idea, as well as everything else.”

 

That sounded like a good idea to Clark. Besides, he needed some exercise. So, with a wink towards the drawings on the wall, he again took Lex by the hand and they walked out of the cave and headed home to plot their happy future.


End file.
